In January of 2022, I decided I wanted to paint more. It wasn’t exactly a New Year’s Resolution–I don’t really ever do those. But it was just a promise to myself that I would spend more time on a hobby that had mostly fallen by the wayside when I had kids. Towards the end of that year (and after a months’ long hiatus from painting) I declared that I was going to finish strong with several paintings in November and December, and I also took the leap and started an Instagram account where I could share my work.

As soon as I became more public with my painting, I started to hear a lot of amazement and confusion about my apparently secret hobby. “Where did this come from?” and “I never knew you painted!” Now, more than a year later, as I’ve opened the door even further, started to share my paintings on Facebook, created this website, and started to sell prints, I’ve been hearing these comments even more.

The truth is, while I have only been painting watercolor for a few years, I have ALWAYS loved to draw.

Through middle school and high school, art class became an elective credit as opposed to a requirement. And while I still loved to draw, I found myself choosing to take art classes less and less. A huge part of this was that I was also in band (and later choir) and that took priority for me. Another factor was that I didn’t jive with the art teacher at my school. Art was seen as a blow off class and I dismissed it as being too disorderly for me to get much out of it.

So I only ever drew at home. After my older sisters went off to college, and my mom was working afternoon shifts, I spent hours after school alone at home. I lived in the woods in the middle of nowhere, so there wasn’t much trouble I could get up to. So I read, or knit, or drew while watching rom-coms. My sisters’ huge stash of Cosmopolitan and Martha Stewart Wedding magazines provided my subjects.

When I went to college, I was still drawing. But art school was never even a thought in my mind. My love for reading had a stronger pull, and I thought it more likely that I could make a living with a degree in English (oops, I didn’t use that either.) Drawing continued to be a hobby only.

When I got engaged, I was sucked into the world of wedding planning. Looking through these style boards, invitations, and programs, I was enchanted by anything with watercolor graphics. Coming from a long line of crafters and handywomen, my thought whenever I see something I love is usually “I could probably do that!” And the more my obsession grew, that thought turned to “Why DON’T I do that?!”

So I bought the supplies, and got started. Watercolor didn’t come as naturally to me as drawing (it still doesn’t). But I watched videos on Youtube and developed a clumsy competence.

As consumed as I was with wedding planning, it is no surprise that my first few projects were wedding related.

Branching out beyond wedding painting.

It felt important to me to share this history. Impostor syndrome is real. Especially when you’ve kept your craft private for so long. For some reason, looking at my childhood pictures and seeing how far I’ve come makes me feel more “real” as an artist. I didn’t like to think I was conveying the impression that I just picked up a paintbrush a few weeks ago and somehow managed to paint things that I thought were decent enough to share, much less sell!

I wonder sometimes what my life would have looked like if I had decided to pursue art formally in school, and later as a career. Or even if I had devoted my time to art with more focus than I have done, because there is nothing wrong with being a self-taught artist. But I am where I am, and all I can do now is work at it with everything I have. It might not be realistic to imagine earning my living on my art. But then again, maybe it is? In any case it’s something to dream about.